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Runner Identifies As Mountain Goat - Falls Off Mountain, Dies

Updated: Dec 2, 2022


A running community in Wyoming is mourning the loss of one of their own. Trail runner Carl Johnson, known locally as Goat Boy, began identifying as a mountain goat in late 2021.

"He was a phenomenal trail runner with a fiery goat spirit," shared Johnson's mother, "it was time for him to embrace his truth."

Johnson began spending several days a week high above the timberline with a tribe of goats before eventually deciding to complete the full transition. Johnson quit his job, changed his Insta bio to "hooven being" and moved out of his home. He knitted a full body "goat coat" and even fashioned himself some "organic horns".

"Yeah he ditched his Altras and carved himself these little goat hoof things to wear," a former training partner, who did not want to be named, recalled. "It was beautiful, but I think ultimately... it... well... it wasn't for the best."

On December 1st, a group of hikers observed the devastating turn of events for Johnson. The colony of goats journeyed through a large cliffside boulder field. Johnson followed, and witnesses say he daringly jumped from boulder to boulder behind the pack, continuing even as the maneuvers became progressively more advanced.

"So this one goat, the alpha goat I guess, it jumps like 10-20 feet over a cliff, and Goat Boy there screams 'FULL SEND' and the dude jumps," witness Mark Wall said, shaking his head.

Johnson almost landed his bold leap of faith, but unfortunately his homemade goat hooves lost traction. He fell 100 feet to his death.

A memorial service is set for this Saturday for Johnson's human friends.

Disclaimer: This article is satire.

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